Satire time….Why are condoms locked up? There is a $10 – $14 tube of eyeliner sitting on the shelf without a care in the world – but you want to have a little fun with the sweetie and you have to call customer service – who sends a pimple faced boy or girl to the personal care isle. And for what – so you can say “hey, do you know how well these hold up to pressure or extended use – yeahhhhh you probably don’t”, “which brand is better” or “Why are these so much more expensive than those”. Heaven forbid you want to read the label to really “know” your choice is right for you – its not like your Dr. is there recommending one over the other. Meanwhile Jr. is getting impatient and the initial flush of “this will be quick” going through his mind is quickly translated to audible heavy sighs – and you know he’s thinking “c’mon dude just pick one”. Okay, fast forward to the check out line – right behind the guy with probably 15 items and your thinking this will be quick. Drop the pack of those baby’s on the conveyor belt with the most important words on top “grande” and “10 pack”. What! The guy in front says “I forgot milk” and the precious barely above teenage checker says “oh go grab it” so off he goes to the dairy isle 800 feet away…and back. Meanwhile you and your single item, shiny package of future love are left alone to exchange awkward glances with said teenage checker. It all worked out – I paid for my groceries and the kid behind me left the store $15 lighter with a smile on his face and a grande ego! I know, all that fun just to ask “why are they locked up? Why aren’t they free like in bars and PPH 🙂 …I know, I have to much time on my hands.
Sometimes The Law Wins
…today on Transit – I’m just going to jump right in here. I’m a lawbreaker. I bought my $100 monthly pass to ride the MAX – you know, TRIMET.ORG like I do the first of every month. I bought this one on the 1st as I was walking from my Jeep to the platform. Anyway, in my haste to get on the train I forgot to “validate” the ticket I’d just purchased with my phone (like I do every month for $100). I got on the MAX and went to work…same thing the next day, got on and went to work. Today the God like fare inspectors were out and of course I wasn’t worried because I had a paid ticket like I do every month for $100 (picking up on my snarkcasim there). He asked to see my ticket and I open the app and only then did I realize I’d forgotten to “validate”…instantly overcome with that sinking feeling that “this isn’t going to be good” – and just as I think that – he starts berating me like a child, asking in a very unpleasant tone “Why did you just validate that as I got on here”, really treating me like I was a criminal – insinuating that I wouldn’t validate it thereby it would be good “until I got caught”. I tried to explain to him that I have all my receipts on my phone for those $100 purchases – but nooooooo he didn’t care. Whatever happened to common sense. The guy was a total asshat – yeah, I should have remembered that one crucial step to validate and because I buy a ticket every month for $100 I now get to miss work, face a $90 fine and above all that I got treated like a cheeseball, like a criminal in front of people who don’t know me. People who for a brief moment thought to themselves “yeah he doesn’t have a ticket – glad he got caught – I’m tired of supporting all the freeloaders” – I was tramatized, maybe I’ll sue (yeah right) – I will however go to court and face down my accuser….good night.
Brake Squeal Snore
…today on transit – for starters my mom told me “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”…yeah right. Picture it, lightly crowded, slightly quiet except for the occasional squeal of rubber against break pad or so I thought. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out the source of that sound – then I spied him. Sleeping man..snoring…at first I thought he was suffering from one of those conditions you know, but it was nothing more than the break squeal… snore (think Achy Breaky Heart). Now, don’t get me started on people that can’t take the time to familiarize themselves with the rules for transit and bicycles. Just because you’re a cute little blonde in a midriff tank and short shorts doesn’t mean you have certain privileges…yesh….oh and the construction guy I thought was going to pulverize a dweeb……yup I need a drink!